It’s been a couple of days since Lew got to introduce the boy to his parents and I am over the moon with how it went for him, it was so emotional in a good way and we haven’t noticed any change in the boy’s behaviour, which means it must have been the right time to do it. However, laying in bed right now with Lew still asleep next to me thinking about my parents meeting the boy later on today, is making me feel so anxious. I have hardly slept all night worrying about it, as if it goes well it will be the one of the best days of my life, getting to introduce my son to my parents, a day which I know they have always wished for and probably thought wouldn’t happen when I eventually told them I was gay at the age of twenty three. The main worry for me, is that it all went so well with Lew’s parents and I would be so gutted for my Mum and Dad if it doesn’t go as smoothly for them. I just keep imagining him having a freak out when they get here and them having to go home, which would be so awful. I know I am probably overthinking everything as usual but I really just want today to be a day I remember forever and for all the right reasons.
Lew is not making a sound and is clearly in a nice deep sleep knowing that his parent’s introduction went well, so I head downstairs and leave Lew nicely tucked up in bed and take the boy’s monitor downstairs with me so he can get a bit of extra time in bed. I put the kettle on to make myself a nice cup of tea, but before it boils, I hear the boy on the monitor, so head upstairs to get him and bring him straight down and into the morning routine. I again boil the kettle, which is now becoming something I have to do numerous times when trying to make just one drink, as by the time it boils, I end up having to do something with the boy and then forget all about the fact that I was even going to have a tea. The boy is sitting nicely in his high chair, so while making his favourite porridge with strawberry yoghurt mixed in, I start having a little chat with him. I’m sure this is normal, even though he probably doesn’t understand half of what I am saying and is unable to talk back, other than the odd noise here and there, but I continue anyway, “today you are going to meet your Nanny and Grandad and I need you to be a really good boy for Dad, is that okay boy?”. Obviously, I get no answer, but somehow, I am thinking that he understood what I have just said as he goes on to eat all of his porridge like a good boy, so it’s a really good start.
It’s now time to get Lew up, as he has had an extra hour compared to normal and we all need to get ready, so we look immaculate for when my Mum and Dad are over later this morning, otherwise they will think we are not coping as we are always up and ready normally. We go in and wake Lew and I hand the boy over, while I head off for a shower. The shower I find is a place where I normally get to think to myself about things and often do a lot of my self-debates in my head there, as it’s one of the only places where you don’t have anyone else there chatting away or asking for anything. Today is certainly no different, but today my mind isn’t debating anything, it is running away with itself worrying about how it might or might not go today. I seem to keep going from super positive about it all, to scared to death about the worst-case scenario and what if this happens and what if that happens. I then end up thinking myself into that really anxious place, where I start to question everything and worry whether my parents are even going to accept an adopted child into their family or whether he will always be treated slightly different as he is not biologically my child. But then I bring myself back to reality, which is that my parents have been so supportive since the day I turned their world upside down by telling them I was gay and that this will surely be no different. In the space of ten minutes or so in the shower so far, I have done more than enough thinking and worrying to last me a life time, so I get out and get myself ready for what I am hoping is going to be a lovely way to spend a morning.
I head downstairs all dressed and ready with my hair done and everything but I am secretly so worried. Lew then says to “you look really nice babe, but are you okay, as you seen a little nervous” which is probably what I was dreading him noticing but at the same time really needed him to ask me so I can get this off my chest. So I go on to explain that I am so worried about today, as I really want it to go well for my parents and obviously for me, but the thought of it all going horribly wrong was making me feel physically sick, as I just don’t know how we would deal with it and make it all okay. Lew as usual gives the best advice in these sort of circumstances, as I am useless with emotional feelings and he settles me by explaining that we have done everything by the book and followed all the advice of the social workers, so it will be fine and if it isn’t then we will worry about it then. Feeling a lot better, I then send Lew up to get ready while I spend some time playing with the boy in the kitchen, at the same time as wiping down the worktops in the kitchen to ensure it is literally sparkling for when they arrive.
We are now all sitting in the living room ready and waiting for them to turn up, having so far had a smooth day with the routine and the boy has even had his morning nap. My phone then starts to ring and I can see that it’s my Dad ringing, when I answer I can hear that they are in the car on loudspeaker, which means we only have about 15 minutes for them to arrive as they are already on their way. You could tell from their voices that they are super excited, I just hope they got the same from me and that they couldn’t tell that I was nervous as hell. It seemed like only a minute later that they had pulled onto the drive and knocked on the door. I open the door with the boy in my arms and welcome them in, with Nutter also at my feet going crazy as he always does when anyone comes over, but especially my Mum who treats him like a baby. We head straight into the living room while Lew makes coffees for everyone, other than me, as one I don’t like coffee and two, I couldn’t possibly have any drink at the moment due to how anxious I am feeling. I get onto the floor with the boy and start playing with him, while my Mum and Dad are sort of sitting back and not really sure of what to do. Lew brings in the drinks and we all start to chat about the boy, explaining all about what we have been up to and what he has done, as if he isn’t even in the room, but he is sitting right here with us playing with his bricks and his favourite little light up car toy. The boy then gets up with his car toy and takes it over to my Mum, but seeming a little shocked she asks “is this okay” to which I reply yes of course, he’s come over to you to play, that’ a good thing. She then takes over the play with him and within a couple of minutes both Nanny and Grandad are on the floor having a play with his little car and the building blocks. I am now sitting on the sofa watching on, with my heart bursting with pride inside knowing that I have achieved the one thing that I was so worried about not doing for my parents, providing them with a grandchild and I could burst into the happiest of tears right now but hold it in, as it is all going well so far.
The time seems to be going past so quickly as the boy has been playing non-stop, going from blocks, to the toy car and then onto my Mum’s handbag, which was funny as he basically wanted to empty it out and then have it filled back up again, before of course emptying it back out again. Now worried a little about the boy’s lunch, I explain that it is time to get the boy ready for it. So we all head out to the kitchen with him and I offer my parents another drink, before we need to get the boy into the highchair and stick to the routine that has been going so well. Both my Mum and Dad decline another drink and instead explain that they want to get going, so not to interrupt his routine as they know how important it is for us to get him settled. We start to say our goodbyes but before they say bye to the Boy, my Mum asks “do you think it will be okay if I pick him up and have a little cuddle before we go?” and I wasn’t really sure about how to answer, as Lew’s parents didn’t do this but Lew quickly replies with “yeah of course, I am sure he will love that”. It seemed like within a second that the boy was in the arms of my Mum, his new Nanny and more importantly her new Grandchild and they both just seemed so comfortable with each other. I think this is one of those moments I am never going to forget and I am sure people say they feel butterflies all the time over things, but I truly know what that feeling is right now. My Dad then wants to get in on the action of picking him up, but not before my Mum gets Lew to take a photo with him, so she could keep that photo as the first time she ever got to meet him. It’s a weird one to explain, but it must be comparable to the sort of feeling you get when a new grandparent goes to the hospital to see their grandchild for the first time and have that hold, except this time it’s with a 10-month-old gorgeous little boy, my son. My Dad gets his turn to have a hold and he gets a little emotional, not something that he normally does too much but I think he just knows how much of an important moment it was. He then has a little bit of a joke with the boy, telling him that he will soon be buying him a Chelsea season ticket too and that we can all go together. I mean how amazing is that thought, that one day there will be three generations all sat together doing that father and son thing, which in my head is something that I am already looking forward to.
We eventually get to the front door to say our goodbyes and my Mum gives me a big hug, she’s a little tearful as she is exactly like me when it comes to being emotional about things and would cry at sad films or tv shows just like I do, so for her this is probably just like being in one of those programmes that would watch, but instead today it is her and her son that are getting the happily ever after. We are just so alike when it comes to stuff like this, in that the happy stuff seems to make us more emotional and brings out the tears more than the sad stuff does. I then go in for the usual Dad and Son handshake with my Dad, but he goes for the big hug too and says to me in my ear “I’m so proud that you are my Son and my best mate”. I mean right now I just feel so lucky to have the best and most supportive parents that I could have ever wished for and know they are going to be the best Grandparents that we could ever wish for to our little boy. We wave them off and head back inside with the boy and put him straight into the highchair, as he is no doubt quite hungry now after all the playing.
While I start to prepare the boys lunch, Lew comes over to me and looks at me as if he knew that I was so happy with how it went and says “see, I told you it would go well” and gives me one of those lovely reassuring hugs, sort of confirming that it did go really well today and we share a moment of both being so pleased with how the introductions to the Grandparents have gone. I cannot stop myself from joking “now we just need to think about the Aunties and Uncles next”, which Lew laughs off by suggesting we should just enjoy this for the moment before we plan in the next visits. I agree with Lew and get back to normal parent duties and start feeding the boy his lunch, but have a bit of a different feeling about things, I mean I know I loved him already and had fully claimed him as my Son, but now I feel like it’s not a secret anymore and like I don’t need to keep him in hiding from the family going forward. It has all gone so well today and I am now super excited about my sisters getting to meet him, which will also mean he gets to meet his cousins too, who for most people are the first best friends that we ever have as children while growing up and that is exactly what I want for him and them. I’m not sure that I could feel any happier than right now, so bring on more of this amazing journey.